The reason we go to movies
 Not perfect, but pretty darned good
 Stupefyingly average
 An affront to civilized people everywhere
 The parents of these filmmakers should never have met

ANALYZE THAT
Starring Robert DeNiro, Billy Crystal and Lisa Kudrow
Written by Peter Steinfeld and Harold Ramis and Peter Tolan
Directed by Harold Ramis
Rated: R
 

Summary:

Mob boss Paul Vitti (Robert DeNiro) feigns insanity by singing multiple selections from WEST SIDE STORY in order to be released from prison into the custody of his old therapist, Dr. Ben Sobol (Billy Crystal). Sobol then requires him to get a series of “straight” jobs in order to get his life on track. But Vitti must deal with a mobster who is intent upon killing him.

Steve says:

You know that great feeling you get when a sequel to a movie you loved is released and it’s as good or better than the original? Well, if you loved ANALYZE THIS, you won’t get that feeling when you see ANALYZE THAT. As charming and funny as its predecessor was, this tepid sequel is flat, dull and overly long at ninety-five minutes.

The film loosely follows the storyline of the original -- uptight analyst is thrown into close proximity with mob wise guys. This time out, Billy Crystal’s character is given custody of DeNiro’s Vitti with the expectation that he will inform the authorities should the mobster begin to drift back into his life of crime. Pretty exciting premise, huh? I’m yawning just writing this.

From almost the first scene, screenwriters Steinfeld, Ramis and Tolan venture deeply into the land of hokum, expecting us to believe that all one needs to do to get released from prison is to act a little nuts, sing a few Sondheim tunes and he will be handed over to a mental health professional, with whom he is expected to live. Excuse me? How dumb do the filmmakers think we are?

Crystal and DeNiro have far fewer scenes together than they did in the first film. They gamely try to recapture the magic and chemistry of their first outing together, but they are stymied at every turn by the lackluster writing and flat direction.

Fortunately, Lisa Kudrow is given a little more to do in this movie but even her prodigious comic gifts are not enough to lift this mess out of the muck and mire.

DeNiro is reunited with his RAGING BULL co-star Cathy Moriarty (now billed as Moriarty-Gentile), who portrays his replacement as head of the mob.

With all the key creative players back from ANALYZE THIS, I allowed myself to forget that almost all sequels suck like an Electrolux. It’s rare when we get an ALIENS, a GODFATHER II or a REVENGE OF THE NERDS II. (Okay, I’m kidding about that last one). The fact is, when a good story is over, it’s over. Attempts to retell it don’t usually do anything to alter or illuminate the original. It’s a business decision, pure and simple. Just as Broadway producers feed theatre-goers a steady diet of revivals rather than interesting, challenging new material, so do Hollywood moguls go for the familiar over the original.

If you liked ANALYZE THIS, as I did, then rent it and watch it again rather than shelling out your hard-earned shekels on cinematic dreck like this; then the movie won’t make any money and we won’t have to be subjected to ANALYZE THE OTHER. (But I’ll bet you anything that they have that very title registered somewhere).

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Patty says:

Relax, Steve. This film on video will be the best cure for insomnia since Vanna White’s memoirs. For every thing (turn, turn, turn) there is a season. Unfortunately, what’s turnin’ here is your stomach watching all the shtick between Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro; which they can’t quite pull off. They were game and gave it the ol’ college try, but it was almost painful to watch these two talented actors trying to make this sow’s ear into a silk purse. The premise was lousy, the dialogue contrived and the plot was boring. After the moderately funny, first ten minutes of the movie, the laughs were few and far between. The best part of the film was the end-credit out takes.

If you put actors like Billy Crystal, Lisa Kudrow and Robert DeNiro in the cast, you’d think you’d rework the script until they had something to work with. The story itself was so implausible that the weight I listed on my drivers license has more credibility. Crystal’s Dr. Sobal came across so whiny and neurotic that I can’t imagine anyone paying a hundred and fifty bucks an hour for his professional services. Indeed, there was no evidence that he had other patients besides Vitti, but of course, keeping track of Vitti is a full time job. Ms. Sobal, the long-suffering spouse, seemed to vacillate between Tammy Wynette, standing by her man, and Lorena Bobbitt, emasculating him.

DeNiro is such a talented actor. He gamely played the tough guy trying to get in touch with his feminine side. The problem wasn’t with his acting, it was the script that was totally unbelievable. Personally, I have a hard time imagining anyone giving DeNiro direction, but I’d rather blame the director for DeNiro’s unbelievable, superficial characterization of Vitti than DeNiro’s inability to pull it off. We’ve all seen DeNiro take command of the camera in a film. Alas, this wasn’t one of those films with the substance to allow him to strut his stuff.

Don’t waste your money. The over-priced, theater popcorn would be the highlight of the film.

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