Patty was out of town for the weekend, so Chris steps in to fill her shoes with his own size 14’s.

Summary:

Jack Wyatt (Will Ferrell) is a fading movie star about to resurrect his career by appearing in a television remake of the classic sitcom, BEWITCHED. Because he recognizes that Darrin is a role so bland that they recast it in the original series without anyone noticing, he seeks an unknown to play the role of Samantha in order to keep the spotlight on himself. Jack finds what he’s looking for in Isabel Bigelow (Nicole Kidman), who is cast because of her ability to twitch her nose and who is, unknown to all, a witch in real life.

Steve says:

This PG-13 film should have been rated PG-90...no one under 90 should see it. To do so is to realize what critics meant when they said they were “bothered and bewildered” by BEWITCHED. You know the film is in trouble when it is populated by such rich comic resources as Will Ferrell, Steve Carell and David Alan Grier, yet fails to yield any laughs (I enjoyed only two).

In fairness to the screenwriting Ephron sisters and writer Adam McKay, the TV show-within-a-movie concept brings a fresh approach to the old series. But in execution, the movie simply falls apart, riddled with lines that are structured to sound like jokes, yet are simply not funny. Our audience even tried to help things along by actually forcing a laugh now and then, then falling silent when the bulk of the theatergoers failed to go along. If it had been live theater, I would have been embarrassed for the actors. 

Add BEWITCHED to the series of post-Oscar career misfires that Nicole Kidman has made...THE HUMAN STAIN, THE STEPFORD WIVES, THE INTERPRETER, et al. Perhaps it’s time for Kidman to show her manager the door if this is the best of what is being offered to the beautiful and sublimely talented star. The chemistry between Kidman and Will Ferrell is about as effective as oil and water. When Isabel first shows signs of romantic interest in Jack, that’s where I felt like whipping out my I-pod and looking for some real entertainment. Kidman plays Isobel with a breathy, Marilyn Monroe voice that brings nothing to the party.

Count Michael Caine among the wasted acting resources here as Isabel’s warlock father, Nigel, who keeps popping in out of thin air to kvetch to his daughter about her new human lifestyle. It’s a role that could have been eliminated without harming the story at all.

The Ephrons seem to get lost in their own premise when Aunt Clara shows up. In this BEWITCHED, she is Isobel’s aunt, not Samantha’s. However, Carole Shelley does a marvelous job of channeling the late Marion Lorne, who was comic perfection in the original series as the bumbling old witch who couldn’t get any of her spells right.

Steve Carell gives it his all when he shows up at for a bizarre couple of scenes as Uncle Arthur, doing his best impression of Paul Lynde, who despite, his immortal character, has long since shuffled off this mortal coil. Uncle Arthur’s scenes don’t work any better than most of the rest of BEWITCHED.

Perhaps BEWITCHED won’t look so bad on the small screen, so if you’re really interested in seeing it, you would be well-advised to wait for the DVD or cable releases.

I had been looking forward to his movie, hoping it would rekindle this touchstone to my youth. But sadly, this whole sorry affair should be burned at the stake.

Two kernels...and that’s only because I love Nicole Kidman, even in a bad movie.

* * * *

Chris says,

Well, as a fourteen year old who has seen only one episode of BEWITCHED; has no clue what Marilyn Monroe’s voice sounds like, and never even heard of  Shirley  MacLaine, I can tell this is indeed a bad movie.

I laughed more than twice (teenager’s sense of humor) and dad, as he told you, laughed twice. In fact, I think one laugh was a snore. But I found the story very weak. 

First, Jack Wyatt was played out as a washed up mess, then he turned into a headstrong jerk, then back to a washed up mess again and so on and so fourth. But in the end he ended up being a “good guy”.  If the real world worked like that I’d be a scholar, which is the opposite of what I am.

I think Nicole Kidman did great in this movie. It wasn’t her best compared to some other of her movies (more like all of them). But she acted the best. I had a big problem though, THEY DIDN’T EXPLAIN WHAT THE HECK WAS HAPPENING!!!! Suddenly Uncle Arthur appears out of nowhere! He says on several occasions he isn’t real! So why the heck was he there? Arthur said “When a witch and a mortal hook up ‘strange’ things happen.” Sorry folks, but that is not enough ‘splainin’ for me.

Well now that I got that out, BEWITCHED was a heartfelt movie, bla bla bla bla bla. I give BEWITCHED two and a half cursed kernels. Hey, that rhymes...kind of.

* * * *