Summary:

Steve says:

Let me begin with a disclaimer: I am a rabid Woody Allen fan.  I regard him as one of the few world class directors still working in the U.S. film business and he is nothing less than a national treasure.  Allen’s films are not always great.  They are not even consistently good.  But for me, his redemption is that he has traditionally shot for the moon.  Those who aim high tend to miss the mark as often as they hit it.  When Woody does fail, to quote Theodore Roosevelt, “at least (he) fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

All that having been said, I cannot ignore the fact that the Woodman seems to be in a serious slump.  His last film, SMALL TIME CROOKS, was a mildly entertaining trifle that paled in the shadow of his greatest works, ANNIE HALL, MANHATTAN , CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS, HUSBANDS AND WIVES and DECONSTRUCTING HARRY.  Sadly, his latest effort, THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION, is another piece of piffle, and not even as entertaining as CROOKS.

In 1980’s STARLIGHT MEMORIES, Allen played Sandy Bates, a filmmaker modeled closely upon himself or, at least, upon the public’s perception of him.  During the course of a weekend retrospective of his films, Bates is beset by adoring fans who lament that his latest films are not as good as his “earlier, funny ones.”  It seems that the real-life Woody Allen has taken that criticism to heart, for his latest films have little more depth or substance than BANANAS or TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN.  What is missing is the underlying tapestry of human foibles that define us as a species. 

THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION features Allen in the leading role of C.W. Briggs, a 1940’s insurance investigator replete with trench coat and fedora, who models himself after a Raymond Chandler-style hard-boiled private eye.  When he and a female executive with his company (Helen Hunt) are hypnotized by a nightclub mesmerist (David Ogden Stiers), the two are given post-hypnotic suggestions to pull off a series of jewel robberies against clients of their insurance company.  Thus Briggs is placed in the unusual position of trying to catch himself.  An original and intriguing premise, to be sure.  But it is played out in lackluster fashion, amid a sea of tepid jokes that, at best, provoke only mild chuckles.  Where is the Woody Allen who gave us the Bergmanesque INTERIORS or created the most fascinating and tragic character in CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS, Martin Landau’s Dr. Judah Rosenthal?  Who could ever forget the look on Rosenthal’s face when he learns that his order to have his long-time mistress killed has been carried out?  Sadly, Woody Allen has done nothing of that depth or substance since SWEET AND LOWDOWN in 1999.

For much of his career, Allen has kept to a strict schedule of writing and directing one film per year.  It’s becoming increasingly clear that he needs to spend more time at the typewriter (it’s difficult to imagine Woody Allen using a word processor) uncovering layers to his stories and plumbing the depths of his characters.  His recent films, SCORPION included, all have a rushed feeling to them that his earlier works did not.  Indeed, two of his best films, ANNIE HALL and MANHATTAN , were written with a collaborator, Marshall Brickman.  Perhaps Allen should consider resuming the practice of teaming with other writers on his scripts if he is contractually unable to take more time in their conception.

Much has been made of how increasingly inappropriate it is for Woody to continue to cast himself as a romantic lead.  Allen himself says he’d rather not appear in his films at all.  But he will use himself as a fallback if he can’t cast a role to his satisfaction and that is starting to become problematic. While the public will still cut some leading man slack for such sixty-somethings as Sean Connery or Harrison Ford, the fact is Allen is starting to look like everyone’s Grandpa Izzy.   Nowhere is this age dichotomy more egregiously evident than in SCORPION.  I dare you to imagine your Grandpa Izzy coming home to find Charlize Theron writhing on his bed, panting for his sexual favors.  No?  Well perhaps you can envision him squiring Elizabeth Berekley out for a night on the town.  Still won’t wash, huh?  So -- you probably wouldn’t buy him sweeping Helen Hunt off her feet either -- with or without the aid of hypnosis.   No, clearly it’s time for Allen to either start casting himself in age-appropriate roles or concentrate his efforts behind the camera.  In his youth, he made for a funny romantic lead in the same vein as Bob Hope.   Today, that works only marginally better for the 65-year-old Allen than it would for 98-year-old Hope.    

As disappointing as SCORPION was, I’ll still be there on the opening night of every Woody Allen film, hoping to see him at his best.  In an era when most films are run through the Hollywood “development” process, resulting in cookie-cutter movies made by committee, there is still the relentlessly autonomous Woody Allen, who was an independent filmmaker long before that appellation existed. 

Which makes it all the more difficult to say, “Sorry, Woody.  This time out, two kernels is the best I can do.”

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Patty says:

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have gone out with the gals for Chardonnay before the movie.  I might not have found myself nodding off in the middle of the first act had I not been a tiny bit “wine-impaired.”  Nevertheless, I found THE CURSE OF THE JADE SCORPION less than titillating.

Steve adores Woody Allen.  He attempts to be objective, but no other talent makes him stop whatever he is doing and go to the movies on the first night the film opens.  We’ve missed weddings, bar mitzvahs,  birthday parties and other fun events just so we could be in the theater on the opening night of a Woody Allen film.  Man, I sure wish we’d missed this one.

Allen, as C.W. Briggs, plays a savvy insurance investigator.  He attempts to look macho, but just ends up looking like Woody Allen pretending to be macho.   Maybe it’s because he’s invested so much energy getting in touch with his inner-neurotic on the big screen, that I have a hard time taking him seriously when he attempts the tough guy routine.  Allen’s primary personal antagonist is the lovely and talented Helen Hunt.  I kept trying to see Hunt and Allen’s characters as a couple but I kept flashing back to Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett and all I could think about was,  “Julia/Helen --what were you thinkin’ girlfriends?” 

Hunt plays a hard-as-nails vice president of sleazy relationships in the insurance company.  She is involved romantically with the married company president, who is played by Dan Aykroyd.  While she plays footsie with Mr. President, she’s got her free foot firmly planted on the back of Allen’s neck.  The relationship between Woody and Helen wasn’t a difficult stretch for me during the first act because…there was none.  I guess that was part of the script.  I’ll never know.

As our story progresses, Allen and Hunt are “volunteered” to be the guinea pigs for a nightclub hypnotist and under post-hypnotic suggestion, Woody is directed to go out and steal from the very clients his insurance company pays him to keep secure.  Once he is released from his trance, Allen must look into the loss of the insured jewels, which means he actually has to investigate himself.  Now this could be funny.  “Could” is the key word here.  The script seemed superficial; the humor cutsie and the relationships shallow.  There was no depth in this film.  Ah….bring back the days of ANNIE HALL.

My first counsel to Woody:  hon, you are a wonderful performer.  Do yourself a favor and don’t set yourself up as a romantic lead.  It doesn’t fly.  Secondly, the magic in your films rest in the complex relationships of equally complex characters.  In this film, the characters were uninteresting and one-dimensional.  Their interactions were predictable and droll.  I miss the chaos of the relationships in your previous films.

I hope Steve will forgive me. (We make it a practice not to confer with one another before we write our respective reviews)  I can’t give this one more than two kernels.

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